When Americans Strike
by TomatoChild
Summary: "Oh, Alfred. You're lucky there're no sharp objects around." America x reader.


**Writer's block strikes again. Have this filler oneshot.**

* * *

There you sat, watching anime, with a bag of chocolates placed next to your head. Of course, being the ladylike person you were, you were stretched out on your plush couch like a cat, one arm hanging over the side of said couch.

"Stupid Shingeki no Kyojin," you muttered, sniffling, as you were _this_ close to shutting down your television. "Don't play with my feels like that. That's not cool." Too late you realized just how crazy you sounded, scolding the show as if it could hear you. Ah heck, did it really matter? You were home alone, after all.

Your parents and your (siblings/sibling) were out going to the mall, buying new clothes for themselves and such. The only reason you didn't go was because you'd already bought all the anime merchandise from the stores there, and also, you were off on your anime watching schedule. Who had time to shop for clothes when there were more important things to do, like watch anime?

And so, yet another episode ended with a cliffhanger and that oh-so-familiar outro with Mikasa. You groaned, knowing that you'd have to get the remote that was so far away… A.K.A, the remote that was not even a foot away from you on the oak table beside the couch. But that meant you had to reach, and reaching meant effort, and you barely had the effort to reach up and grab one of your beloved chocolates.

Just as you were preparing to use up all of your willpower to grab the remote, a large banging sounded somewhere in your house.

You were ready for this. You'd watched all those action and horror movies, and you knew what not to do. So what was the logical thing to do? Go and see what caused the sound, of course!

You rose from your spot on the couch and cautiously made your way in to your kitchen; hands raised as if you were ready to karate chop the possible intruder. You probably didn't look as threatening as you'd hope, you _were_ a young girl, after all, but you could at least slow them down if they tried to steal anything.

So, what did you find as you ventured deeper into the kitchen? Your friend Alfred Jones, stuck in the doggy door.

…What were you _supposed_ to do? Most people would freak out and probably call 911, but the first thing you did was facepalm. Hard.

"Alfie, dude," you held in your snickering, "what are you even doing? You could've knocked or something! Or texted me to tell me you were coming over!" This was just too funny. At the sound of your facepalm, Alfred had looked up with a sheepish grin on his face.

"Oh, uh… Hi, (Name)! I wanted to surprise you…" He said, still wiggling around. "Argh! I… Can't… Fit! It's too tight!"

"That's what he said," You muttered, smirking at him as you came closer, ready to try and rescue him from his doggy-sized prison. He smiled slightly at the joke.

The only problem with your plan to help him? You had no idea whatsoever how to help someone as well built as Alfred escape from that. Well, maybe you could get a chainsaw and help him… But that was just a little too risky to attempt. Your next idea? Push him out the way he came in. Meaning: you push his shoulders while he uses him arms, which were outside, to push him out as well.

You told him the plan and he grimaced slightly, clearly thinking that it would cause him pain. You stuck out your tongue at him. "Suck it up, Alfred. You got in, you can get out."

* * *

Well, the plan went pretty well, all things considered. The only thing Alfred was miffed about was the fact that the bomber jacket he'd gotten from his grandpa was a bit dirty. Now the two of you sat together on the couch watching anime, the bag of chocolates sitting between the two of you.

"I thought there weren't supposed to be female Titans."

"Hm?"

"I thought female Titans were rare," Alfred revised, tossing another piece of chocolate into his mouth. "At least, that's what it said in the back of the volume one Attack on Titan manga."

You narrowed your eyes. "Alfred, shush."

"Wha-?"

"SHUSH. Don't play with my feels."

Confused, the blonde male raised an eyebrow. "Sorry."

"It's okay, young one."

"I'm no younger than you!"

This playful banter carried on as you chatted through the would-be silence while you switched to the next episode, nibbling on your candy bar while Alfred bragged about his "immense knowledge of anime."

"And so Matt said, 'I bet Gruvia will be canon before NaLu.' So you know what I said? I said, 'No way, man! NaLu for the win!'" Alfred pumped his fist into the air enthusiastically as he told his tale, a Hershey's bar held tightly in his fist.

"Dude, have you seen the fifteenth Fairy Tail opening? NaLu is totally canon," You nodded, no longer watching the show that was flickering on your TV screen. Too engrossed in your conversation with Alfred, you almost didn't notice when he took the bag of chocolates and put them on his other side. _Almost_. "Alfie… Are you going to put those chocolates back?" You asked, eyes narrowed at him.

"Nope!" Alfred grinned, "Mine now."

"Alfred… Give back the chocolates, and nobody gets hurt."

His grin seemed to somehow grow wider; he didn't take the threat seriously. "These chocolates are now property of Alfred Jones."

"Oh, Alfred." You laughed, "You're lucky there're no sharp objects around."

You felt like laughing even more as his grin seemed to waver slightly, and he slid the bag back to its original spot, in between the two of you. "Uh… I think you need these more than I do, (Name)."

"This is why we're friends." You patted him on the head, and ignored his protest at your actions, satisfied with his answer and the fact that you got your precious candies back.

"Hey!" He frowned, swatting at your hands. "Don't pet me!"

"I can pet you if I want to pet you!"

"Then what do I get to do in return?" He asked, ignoring the strange look he got from you.

"You get to get stuck in my doggy door, and I won't notify your parents." You replied, unwrapping yet another candy. This time, your favorite, (Candy name).

"No way, dudette. Gimme a hug."

You blushed a bit. "Go hug my non-existent twin."

Alfred gave you his infamous puppy dog eyes; your one and only weakness. "(Naaaaame), c'mon, please…?"

Now, you were left with three options: you could act like you never heard or saw anything and continue watching anime; you could bolt out through your front door; or, you could hug back your best guy friend like you secretly had been wanting to. And, of course, your inner fan girl would not accept anything less than a hug...

"Fine. Whatever," You grumbled, failing to hide your smile as Alfred wrapped his arms around you and you buried your face in his soft teal hoody.

"Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

No, it certainly wasn't that bad after all.

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**This was rushed. oops.**


End file.
